After My Workout Your Tongue Cleans My Sneaker Soles-plus You Get to Sniff Inside My Sneakers

After my jog today, I’m keeping my sneakers on and sitting down on the sofa. Yes—usually I take them off right at the door. I see that look of horror on your face! Sneakers aren't really your thing, are they? You’d much rather see me in leather boots right now! But this isn't a wish-granting service! You are going to clean my dirty treaded soles—right now! Stick that tongue out—way out! And afterwards, I’ll take my sneakers off, and you get to sniff inside them! My feet were inside them during my entire run! Savor that foot aroma! Then, while you’re sniffing my stinky socks, I’ll inspect my shoe soles to make sure you’ve cleaned them thoroughly! After that, I’ll need to hit the shower—I’m absolutely drenched in sweat!